Wednesday, July 31, 2013

anak manja

You never know how strong you are
until being strong is the only choice you have
- Bob Marley


Now that I'm in Kuching, I suddenly realize I am still an 'anak manja'.
A fact which I hate. This phrase reminds me of Cikgu Anita, my BM teacher in primary school who refused to send me to a program in Kuching (back then I was in Lawas) because she felt that I was an anak manja and wouldn't cut it. I was really mad at that time and felt that she was being unfair.

I always thought that I am strong and independent.
But I have come to realize that I am not yet that strong or independent.
Being the youngest in the family, I have always been pampered by my parents and siblings. If there is any problem, the first person I would call is my dad. Keta sik dapat start, sikda duit, lappy rosak etc etc, I would tell my dad first. Even if I don't tell him, he will find out somehow, and will do whatever he could to solve things on my behalf.

This might sound trivial but it really makes me think that I am very much
dependent on my family, my dad especially.

And that brings me to think,
what will happen when dad is no longer able to help
or when dad is no longer around,
or when I am of the age that I could not depend on my family too much,
will I survive?
will things be easy?

Things are different when I'm in Nilai, which is when I am on my own. I really don't need much help from dad. I took care of things myself. I took care of my problems myself because I do not want to bother my dad or siblings with trivial matters. Unless it involves a lot of money, or traveling somewhere very far, which I must report to my dad (or else he'll get mad), I don't really report every single thing that I do. When I am in Nilai, I believe I have temporarily 'ceased' from being an anak manja :P

So I believe that, as much as I feel that I am an anak manja at times,
when the time comes when I need to stand on my own two feet,
InsyaAllah, I will not be a weakling and become less dependent,
because I believe that will be the time when
being strong is my only choice.

But for now, I'll just let myself enjoy being pampered while I still can.
Kelak dah umur 30 dah sikda peluang dah nak bermanjak ;) 


p/s: Currently trying to opt for that one and only choice that I have
while facing with the issue regarding my LI application.

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